Last week I spoke about the colour analysis that we were all going to go and have and we have had it and it was a great day. It was really fun. The lady was lovely. Even my 15 year old daughter enjoyed it. I was the same as my sister. Lots of people think that we look similar so it's no surprise really that we came out with the same colour which they've changed. It's like it used to be just the spring, summer, autumn, winter.

Now they're a bit more specific. So we came out as deep, cool and clear, which is kind of like a deep winter. And it meant that we should be having nice bright jewel colors, strong colors, we should have contrasting colors, we shouldn't be kind of blended into each other. And we should be wearing silver for jewelry.

My daughter on the other hand, who normally wears beiges and boring colours came out as a true autumn. She was warm, soft and deep. But meant that she should have more blended colours. There shouldn't be that stark contrast between the colours. And it was a lot of those softer autumnal like beiges, burgundies, like the more neutral

softer colours rather than the bright dual colours that me and my sister should be wearing. And it was really interesting, it was a lovely day out, we went shopping afterwards, we bought some clothes that we wouldn't normally have bought.

My daughter actually bought some burgundy, a bit of colour into her wardrobe rather than just the beiges It was just a lovely day out. And in the last episode, I was talking about, can that colour wearing different clothes Can it make a difference to how we look and how we feel in ourselves?

But today we're going to focus on self-esteem and self-confidence more on a subconscious level. So wearing the right clothes and the right colours can make us feel better. That's a superficial thing. So we could be wearing all of the perfect colours, but still not have that self-confidence and self-esteem to go out and do the things that we want to do.

So today we're going to focus on that deeper level. Now, if we think of this in terms of the two parts of our mind, so we've got our logical conscious part of our minds, and then we've got our subconscious, which is where all of our behavioural patterns are. It's where hundreds and hundreds of things are going on in the background.

It's where all our beliefs are held about the world. And often we can't control that. That is just what's happening in the background. When we have a thought or a feeling or a behaviour that we can't change, it's often because that's been written into our subconscious. But we can change our subconscious, but we just have to do it a different way rather than just logically thinking this is what we need to do.

Let's think of a few situations that might be difficult with our self-esteem and confidence at menopause and why. Now it might be the way you look. At menopause we tend to put on weight, we hold on to fat around the middle particularly because it produces a type of estrogen and the body likes to hang on to that and fat cells do produce a type of estrogen but they're not a helpful type of estrogen.

the body doesn't want to get rid of it. metabolism slows down as well and our muscle mass decreases which also slows our metabolism and the amount of calories that we burn. Often our sleep is poor so then we have more anxiety, we eat more as well so we might put on weight. We have other symptoms such as hot flushes, maybe embarrassing incontinence or prolapses.

So there's many symptoms at menopause that aren't just the physical symptoms, it's how they then affect us mentally. And that can really affect our self-confidence and our self-esteem. But there are ways that we can change it. So we're gonna work through my ESSE framework, which I have created. And firstly, we need to explore what our behavioural patterns are.

and nail down to start with just one thing that we're going to work on. Obviously we can come back and use the same technique and the same framework for other situations, but we're just going to pick one.

So we explore what that pattern is. Then we're going to evaluate it to find out where it's come from and why we have those thoughts and those feelings and behaviour pattern. Then we're going to use one or two or more techniques to try and shift that pattern.

and then we're going to embed that pattern. So we might be using some of the techniques we used in the shift section on an ongoing basis to make sure that we maintain that behaviour pattern going forward.

So let's take a situation where maybe you're going to a social event and you're not feeling great about yourself and you're really anxious and worried to go to this social event.

So firstly, we're going to explore what patterns are happening. So is it that you're anxious about talking to people? Is it you don't want people to be looking at you? Is it you're worried about what other people are thinking about you? And then we're going to evaluate those. Why are we worried about talking to people? Is it because in the past you feel that everybody's judging you?

or that you're worried that people are thinking badly about you? Is there other reasons that you've maybe been in other situations? Maybe you're bullied at school. There's generally some reason why we're worried about it. Is it because you've put on weight and you're worried that people are judging you for that?

And then we need to think about the reverse of that. So whatever we've decided, say that we are worried about what other people are thinking of us.

that actually is none of our business what other people think. We can't control what anybody else is thinking or doing. The only thing that we can control is how we respond and how we react to that situation. So it's none of our business what other people think.

Now to discover the reverse, it might be that you do some journaling and this is going to help you to shift things as well. But if you were giving advice to a friend, say, and they were worried about what other people are thinking, what would you say to them? would you be saying, it's none of your business what they think, or...

why does it matter what they think? What's going to happen if they think badly of you? What's the end result? Does it really matter? So journaling down your thoughts and then argue against them. put the opposing argument down. That is a really nice way to try and shift those patterns. So journaling would definitely be one of those things that I would use to shift negative patterns.

because you're writing down how you feel what's going on. And then either think yes, as a friend, how would you argue against that or just see the flip? Think logically. If they're thinking badly of you, how actually is that going to impact your life? What's that what's going to happen? Is it's not going to actually do anything or anything if they don't like what you're wearing? Does it really matter? So arguing the point, do some journaling.

Another thing that you can do is visualisation. Now visualisation is great because the mind at differentiating between imagination and real experiences. So if we visualise ourselves going into the room and we visualise ourselves being confident,

and we visualise ourselves going and speaking to people, having a nice time, looking great, feeling great, then when we get to that situation, the mind knows this is how we react in this situation. We feel confident. We like this. We just go and talk to people. And actually the more confidence you have going into a room, no matter how you look,

people will notice the confidence, they won't notice how you look. So if you have put on some weight, if you're not wearing clothes that you feel that look the best, they won't notice that they will notice that you have this confidence and you're going to go and talk to people. So visualizing and mental rehearsal before we get into a situation can be really helpful. the same if you had to go and do some public speaking.

you visualize yourself getting up onto the stage, being confident, knowing that you are really good at whatever you're talking about and this talk going really well, then that mental rehearsal is really helpful. Now I've done this a number of times for auditions that I'm part of an amateur dramatic society and I used to really struggle with auditions. It's still not the best thing to do but I used to just

not be able to sing at my best because I was just worried about not doing well. But then I started to visualize going in and doing my best and singing well and acting well and my auditions have got a lot better because I've done that mental rehearsal first. The mind knows this is how we respond. We don't need to be scared. It's still a scary thing and we will still fill the fear but it's fill the fear and do it anyway.

Another thing that we could do, it could be journaling or it could just be talking to ourselves, but it is noticing the positives. Often we look in the mirror and be like, ⁓ look at all those wrinkles or look at the double chin. But if we looked in the mirror and went,

my eyes are really nice or for me I'm like really nice smiles I've got dimples I really like my smile every time I smiled people they smile back they seem genuinely happy that I've smiled at them so it's looking at the positives it could be my hair's looking nice it could be that color really suits me so it's looking at the positives and just looking in the mirror saying some nice positive things to yourself or

we can do something like gratitude journaling. at the end of the day, pick three things that have done really well in that day. And it just helps us focus on those positive moments rather than the negative, because our mind will focus on what we're thinking about. So if we're thinking about positive things, it will find more positive things. If we're thinking about negative, it will certainly find more negative things.

if you've ever watched Grey's Anatomy, they sometimes do what they call the hero pose. So where they stand with their hands on their hips, standing up nice and tall before they're going to do a complicated surgery. And it just gives them that confidence. Now know that's a made up program, but actually our posture does change how we feel. So imagine we're walking into the room and we're

kind of bad slump posture, we're keeping ourselves small because we don't want to be noticed, we're gonna feel small, we're gonna feel anxious that we don't want to be looked at. And if we change our posture just by standing up tall, opening up the shoulders, presenting ourselves in that way, it gives us more confidence. Standing up straight makes us feel more confident.

So if we're doing public speaking, if we're going into a social situation, try not to keep yourself small and like slouched. Try and think nice and big and open, and then we immediately have more confidence.

And just general thing and not necessarily part of the ease framework, but actually shifting patterns can be helped by moving, shifting your body, by doing movement, by keeping ourselves fit and active is a great way for our mental health anyway. So we have all those endorphins but keeping ourselves moving, shifting our body is going to help shift those negative thoughts in our mind as well.

So picking something, so starting off with that pattern, finding out what it is. Then we evaluate it, why we have that pattern. Then we're choosing some way to shift it. That could be visualizations. It could be positive self-talk or positive affirmation. So it could be looking in the mirror saying that that part of me looks really good, or it could be, I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am confident.

So positive affirmation, the same thing that the mind will focus on those positives. It could be journaling. It could be getting your body moving. Then we need to pick whichever it is and help shift those patterns. And then we need to do those on a regular basis, embed that pattern. So it could be doing a positive affirmation every morning. It could be journaling every evening.

it could be standing up nice and tall before we're going to do something that scares us

picking one or two things that help to shift the pattern and do them on a regular basis.

And just remember that confidence comes from how we see ourselves, not just what you wear. So even though I talking about all the colours and the clothes last week, that is part of it that can help as with all those other things and techniques that I've spoken about today. If there are patterns and behaviour things that you are struggling to shift, it could be self confidence, it could be other things, can be anxiety, or poor sleep, then

there is help available. So I have got a little mini course that goes through my framework and it helps you work through each step. Now you can repeat it over and over again. And there's a workbook that goes with it. There's got lots of prompts that will help you work through how those behaviours are formed, how we can shift them and how we can embed them.

So if you want to have a look at that, the details are all in the show notes. But even if you just try one or two techniques that I've spoken about today, that can really make a difference. Or if you want one-to-one help, I do offer hypnosis on a one-to-one basis as well, and that can be done online. So do get in touch. All details are in the show notes. But until next time, pick one thing to change the way that you feel about yourself. Take care.

and see you next time.