Every day I seem to be getting an email or a phone call from one of the teachers at my daughter's school. My daughter is 15. She is my youngest. My 17 year old boy has been no issue whatsoever. But my daughter is really struggling at school. She is getting in trouble but for little things like nothing really that bad and it's frustrating to me that she's getting in trouble for these things but schools have now become quite strict.

So she first of all got detentions for wearing white socks instead of black socks. And then she started to be a little bit late for classes. And then it just spiralled out of control that now she fights back if she feels like she's being victimized or told off for things that aren't her fault. So then she's got this reputation of being rude. then teachers are biting back at her.

they get sent to exit which is sent out of the class into a nice quiet room with individual little cubicles so it's no wonder that she often prefers to go there she doesn't understand tone so when she says something it often comes out quite rudely and then

gets in trouble for that. But she is not a bad child. There are some days that she is a delight to be around.

But we've all been teenagers, we've all been there, so why does this happen I think a lot of it to do with-

hormones and the fact that a teenager's brain has not fully developed yet. And at this stage, we are run by emotions and our subconscious behaviour rather than logic and thinking things through and the effect that it has on other people. And certainly with girls hormones fluctuating all the time and

think we probably know as adults that this is hard to deal with. Teenagers struggle with regulating their emotions, their tone, the perspective that they have on life, like everybody's out to get them, that they have done nothing wrong.

Does this sound familiar in terms of perimenopause? Now, teenagers don't fully understand what's going on with their hormones. If we're in perimenopause, we have very similar fluctuations to our hormones, hormones decreasing, hormones going up and down, and often women do not understand what's going on

the difference is as adults, we do have a fully formed brain, and we have more understanding awareness about how our actions will affect longer term ambitions.

goals, relationships.

But even if we have more awareness, it is still hard to manage. So we think if you are perimenopausal and you have a teenage daughter in the house, we then have this clash of hormones.

So the teenagers have their raging hormones or fluctuations. They are very reactive to things. Perimenopausal women, hormones raging, very reactive to things. Both are probably on their last nerve. Their nervous system is on high alert all the time. Our stress is really high.

body is probably full of inflammation causing issues with sleep and

often don't eat the right foods. I'm lucky if I can get any food into my daughter and it's very rarely any fruit or vegetables. It's whatever I will make for her because she's too lazy to make it herself and then she won't eat otherwise. When we're in perimenopause we often reach for the food that's not necessarily supportive so it will be quick things, sugary things and all of that is going to affect our hormones.

This, as you can imagine, leads to some conflict. And if we've got all of these hormones in one house, then there's likely to be fights, there's going to be high stress levels. And not only that, often we are known as the sandwich generation. So you may have teenage children, or not necessarily be children, it might be animals, it might be...

nieces, nephews, it might be other responsibilities, but often we are looking after people that are younger or that need more support. We often then are having aging parents that also need support. So we are slap bang in the middle, having to support everybody.

It is a lot. And it is giving yourself a break sometimes, but I do get very frustrated with my daughter. If I can communicate nice and calmly and keep it light, try and offer some rewards rather than punishment. She does respond in a much better way. However, it doesn't always work out. So just give yourself a break. You're not failing if you are

feel like you're struggling. It is not a failure on your part. However, I do think that we can learn something from teenagers because teenagers are quite selfish. That isn't necessarily a negative thing.

Being a parent of a selfish teenager can be hard work because it means that they have no thoughts about how their behaviour affects other people. They just let other people do stuff for them. However, when we are the parent and we are in the sandwich generation, we are often the complete opposite. I see so many women coming to me struggling with perimenopausal symptoms or postmenopause or any women's health condition.

and the common theme is that they don't have time for self care.

And it isn't that they don't have time. It's because they are not prioritizing themselves. We are the furthest thing from selfish. We put every single other person, every other thing ahead of ourselves.

that isn't always a positive thing.

When we hit perimenopause, self-care is no longer an optional thing. It needs to be a non-negotiable.

Now that can come in different forms of self care. It doesn't mean that we have to spend days at a time at a spa and we never do anything. But we need to put ourselves first because if you are not in good health, if you do not have the resilience that you need, how can you look after strappy teenage children or aging parents?

we need to look after ourselves first. So this doesn't have to be all day every day. This needs to be thinking, right, what can I fit into my daily life? Could I take five minutes to do some breathing exercises or listen to a guided meditation? Is it saying to somebody, you're going to cook the dinner while I just go and do some colouring or do a bit of jigsaw or go for a walk?

Also looking at how you communicate with other people. Can you try and keep yourself calm? Can you come up with logical arguments or reasoning? It is really hard in the moment to keep calm and not to argue back,

I find with my teenage daughter, I get what I give. So if I give positive, if I give calm, then I receive that back. If I get angry, if I get annoyed, I get that back. So it's just thinking how we communicate, not just with children, it could be with your partner, with your other half, it could be with parents. All of these people have the capacity to wind us up.

make us angry, the fact that we are trying to do everything for everyone else. But if you think, okay, we're just going to take a step back and think, how can we look after ourselves a bit better? And it will never be perfect. Some days will still be hard. But if we think about when we go on that plane on holiday, if you ever get a chance to go on the plane, that they always say to put your own oxygen mask on first, before you can help others. Because if you're

suffocating then you can't help other people.

prioritizing yourself is the one thing I'd take from being a teenager. So being a little bit more selfish, taking care of yourself.

and just have a think to yourself, where are you putting everyone else first? What could you change this week? Just to flip that situation slightly. So I'm not suggesting that we become as selfish as a teenager, like the whole world revolves around us and nobody else, but taking an element of that to think, what could I do? What can I change this week? Just to prioritise myself.

a little bit ahead of other people, even if it's just for five minutes. And if you are feeling overwhelmed, know that it is not just you. It is hormones, your hormones, teenage hormones, anything else, stresses in the world that might be affecting you, but you can get support. There are things that you can do that will help you feel better and know that you don't have to manage everything by yourself.

Support is available in various different forms. Now that could be speaking to your family. It might be speaking to some professionals. It might be seeking support from charities, maybe even just groups that you go to. There would be all sorts of support that you can get there, even if it's just to get a vent, just to rage about what's going on in the day. Or write it in a journal. There are various different ways that you can...

calm yourself. And if you want some ideas, listen to my previous episodes of the podcast, because I've gone through lots of different ones there. If you would like any support from me, then feel free to reach out. All of the details are in the show notes. But until next time, take a deep breath, prioritise yourself, do something for you today. Until next time. Bye bye.