Hello and welcome back to the podcast. Now I want to ask you a question. Do you ever wear odd socks? I am known for having odd socks because life is honestly too short to waste time finding matching ones. So much so that my mum one year bought me a packet of three socks that were from the odd sock company and they are meant to be worn as odd socks. And it was funny the other day in Pilates, me wearing my odd socks, someone asked me, is it odd sock day? And I was like, every day for me is odd sock day. If they are clean, if they are vaguely the same size, they will do.

It doesn't just stop at odd socks. People often ask how I manage to do so much, especially when I've got chronic fatigue. And the truth is, I do less of the stuff that doesn't really matter. I don't clean or tidy the house that often. So you'll never be invited around because it's too messy with two children, a husband and a dog.

I'd love to have loads of energy and time to make it nice and clean and tidy but I focus my energy usage on things that I need to do or I want to do or that help me have a better quality of life. And I really don't have time or energy to flap around with all the small stuff anymore. I really focus my energy on my business, seeing patients, my movement. So every morning I get up and do some exercise.

Do some Pilates and then I walk the dog. This helps me because it has improved my low back pain. It helps with my energy, helps me be fitter healthier.

I spend a lot of time doing my theatre, so my amdram, whether I'm on stage or directing or helping backstage. This is me time. This helps with my stress levels. It's important to do things that you love rather than think you don't have time for it. And I also spend time with the family when my teenagers will be in the same room as me but I often go out with my husband as well, drag them along if I have to. I don't have the capacity to do everything and do everything perfectly and I don't worry about that anymore. Now I don't like having a messy house but I don't have the energy to do it. If I spend time tidying I literally can't do anything else the whole day. So I'd rather go and do things that are going to earn money so that we can keep the house and do things that are going to help me get a better quality. I used to worry all the time about things that could go wrong, so something broke, how much money it's going to cost, keeping their house tidy and worrying if people are to come round. I just don't invite people now.

I think quite a lot of people have messier houses than they would like to admit. If you are a clean freak and you love tidying, I will give you my address and feel free to go at it.

The constant worry that I used to have about all of the things that could go wrong about trying to find clean matching clothes, ironing clothes don't iron either. Put it in the tumble dryer, it comes out alright. Occasionally if I'm wearing something special. But if I was to worry about all these things, then it fills up my brain, it burns out your nervous system and it takes away your happiness.

So this might seem a little bit extreme and you probably judge me the fact that I've got a messy house and that I do things that I want to do and prioritise my health and my business over tidying the house. That's fine. If that's your priorities, that's okay. But hear me out.

If you spend too much time worrying about what other people think, then you are just adding to your stress bucket. Now imagine that your mind is a big bucket. Now think about all the stresses in your lives. Now there's probably a few that really big stresses. Now that might be job stressing you out. It might be teenage children that are stressing you out. Imagine all of those big things are like big rocks and you're going to put them in the bucket. But your stress bucket isn't completely full because we still got a bit of space in there. So think about anything that's like smaller stresses, things that are worrying you. So maybe like wearing matching socks, maybe remembering birthdays or finding the right lunchbox.

Those are more like little pebbles that are going to go in between. Things are starting to fill up now. Then think, actually, there's more that can go in there. If we're trying to do everything perfectly, then we start to add on to the stress bucket. So think about if we poured sand in there now. Now this might seem like an invisible load. So it might be having that long to do list. It might be feeling guilty about things. It might be worrying about how you look and whether you're doing as well as other people. It just adds to it. And then what we might be adding on top of that is some water. So water will go amongst all the sand and will fill up. This might be saying that just pushes you over the edge. It might be that you get stuck in traffic. Might be that you have got odd socks on and somebody notices. It might be that you didn't have time to do makeup today. It might be that your hair looks a bit messy or that you haven't had time to wash it. It just gets the point where it feels more and more and more and then it overflows. And then we can't cope. Our stress bucket is so full that we haven't resilience to cope with anything. So in perimenopause, that's bucket and the resilience gets smaller. So if you think if you've got a smaller bucket and you're trying to fit all of these things in, it's going to overload and it's going to overflow more often. Our estrogen and progesterone affects our nervous system and so that decrease in those hormones means that your resilience and how you tolerate overwhelm is reduced.

So the stress bucket that you had when you were younger, even if it was really full, you could manage everything. You could fit more and more and more before it started to overflow.

But now you snap more easily, you cry unexpectedly, you feel done and it's not a weakness, it's biology. And it's because our resilience and that stress bucket has got a smaller capacity.

And this is why we need to think about what is going in that stress bucket, because now it matters more than ever. So if we go back to the analogy of those things going in, so we've got the water, we've got the sand, we've got the small pebbles, we've got the big things. Now, it may be we can't remove those big rocks from the bucket because they are things that we can't change, such as having teenagers, such as having elderly parents to look after. But what we could start to reduce is those small little bits, maybe some of the small little pebbles, maybe it's some of the sand or the water that's going on top. So what little things am I letting pile up unnecessarily? What am I adding into that stress bucket that I could stop doing? What could I streamline?

What could I change how I'm doing? So think about this practically. Say it socks. This is how it all started with my odd socks. So perhaps it is finding matching socks in the morning and you're desperate to have matching socks. Now, if you're anything like my teenage daughter, the in thing nowadays is to wear white Nike socks. They're very expensive. They didn't stay white for long.

And also she's not actually allowed to wear white socks to school. However, she likes to wear them because it's the in thing, despite the fact that she gets a detention if she wears them. But she must have matching socks. She wouldn't go out without them because they are on show and it's like, look at me. I've got these cool socks. She is starting to wear black Nike socks now, so she doesn't get in as much trouble, but she wouldn't dare go out without them matching.

Because they're on show. I guess if my socks are on show all the time, then I might try and match them to a certain degree. But if they're underneath trousers and hardly anyone's going to see them, I don't care. But what you could do if you care about matching socks you can have a sock basket where all of the socks go and you put them together in pairs or you get bags that you wash the socks in so they stay together. So you can just grab them, save a few minutes from looking. Or maybe it's lunchtime that stresses you out and adds to your bucket. Maybe if you batch cook in advance or keep leftovers, maybe put an extra bit the night before so that you can have a few meals ready to go so you don't have to stress about making lunch or going out to buy it. And maybe

It's morning routines, particularly if you have children and you're getting them ready. All I do spend my morning is like, you're going to be late. Or in fact, it's not just morning. There's any time with my daughter, it's like, you're going to be late, you're going to be late, late to go to ballet, late to go to rehearsal. But it's just always that constant battle because she won't get things ready in advance. She is like always last minute looking for something that she hasn't got.

So in morning, maybe it's the night before, laying clothes out so that you're ready to go. Maybe you've already got some breakfast ready. So maybe have overnight oats in the fridge. It just removes some of the decision making, getting things ready to go. And in terms of decisions, try to stop making those decisions over and over. If something is working, then stick with it. Don't think

or maybe there's a better way to do it, or maybe I should do this instead. Try and kind of make a decision, stick with it, see it through. If it's not working, then obviously change it, but don't change from one thing to the other and go in different directions on different things because then it just gets overwhelming and you can't focus on one thing.

And many people do stress about how they look and that they want to look a certain way. They want to have matching socks. They want to have their makeup done. They want to have their hair nice, which is fine. And if that's how you you are, then there's there's no issue with that. But it is remembering that if you're trying to compare yourself with other people, you're never going to reach that. You're never going to be somebody else. You're never going to

look the same as all the models because they have a load of people that do it for them. They've got a professional makeup artist, they've got a hairdresser, they've got a stylist.

So make the effort to feel better, great, but it is not gonna change your life if you have matching socks and if they're not Nike white ones. It's not gonna change your life.

Making a few practical changes and working on your stress management, try and get some exercise and all the things that I talk about normally in order to improve your symptoms is really important to create some more space in that bucket. And if your bucket is not overflowing with all of these little things, it helps you to think clearer. You can handle difficult situations better. You can sleep better.

your relationships might be better, you might actually be enjoying life more.

And if you don't do something to reduce what's in that stress bucket, then it may mean that you are too exhausted, feeling too unwell to make any changes and you just never quite feel right or like yourself.

But remember, you don't need to be to be the most organized person in the room. You definitely don't get a trophy for being the most burnt out. So think about what could you take out of your bucket this week? What are the small things that you could stop doing or start doing to help make your life easier?

So that you can make space for those big things that truly matter.

If you feel like your stress bucket is constantly falling, if you can't work out what you can do to change, then this is where you need a little bit of support. Things that you can do at home would be to start with some journaling, some movement, taking some time to rest, doing some positive affirmations, letting go of perfection.

I've spoken about many of these things in previous episodes, so go back and refer to them if you need a little bit more help with these. But if you are looking for more support at this moment in time, then check out the show notes and all the details of my services will be in there. Good to start with the Menopause MOT, or maybe you want to book in for some control sessions, which is a type of hypnosis.

And we can work on your subconscious patterns that are making you carry around so much in your stress bucket. Change is possible. You don't have to figure it out alone, but also shouldn't be putting up with it.

Hopefully you found this episode useful.

If you ever see me in class you will see me in those odd socks. Will speak to you next time.